The Masks of Safety: Why the Mask of Playing Small Feels Safe (But Isn't)
How silence, people-pleasing, and perfection keep us hidden—and how reclaiming your voice can set you free.
The Masks We Wear
We all wear masks.
Some look like perfection. Others show up as people-pleasing, caretaking, or proving our competence. On the surface, these masks make us feel safe. They shield us from conflict, rejection, or judgment. But underneath, they cost us something far greater—our aliveness.
I know this mask well. Mine was silence.
A Personal Story
Years ago, I heard about a program designed specifically for women. It wasn’t about productivity or hustling harder. It was about becoming powerful and feminine—learning to be seen, to be heard, and to create the kind of impact we’re born for.
Everything inside me lit up. I wanted this more than anything.
But then fear crept in. Not fear of the program, but of what it might mean for my marriage.
If I grow in this way, what if it changes everything? What if my husband doesn’t like who I become?
So I stayed quiet. I put on the mask of safety.
I told myself,
It’s fine. I don’t really need this.
But inside, I was shrinking.
It took me five years—five years of silence and second-guessing—before I finally gave myself permission to say yes. And when I did? It didn’t break my marriage. It strengthened it.
Because when we show up as our true selves, we don’t lose connection. We deepen it.
That program became one of the foundations of my coaching, my teaching, and the work I now share with others. But I often wonder: what might have been different if I had given myself permission sooner?
What I Learned About Masks
Here’s what I want you to know:
- Masks feel safe—but they cost us.
Every time we hide, we lose a little piece of ourselves. - Growth doesn’t break connection—it can deepen it.
Authenticity creates more intimacy, honesty, and trust. - “Someday” is a thief.
Waiting for the “right time” keeps us stuck. Small steps today are better than waiting years for perfect conditions. - Your voice matters—not just for you, but for others.
When you reclaim your voice, you give permission for others to do the same.
An Invitation
Take a moment and ask yourself: What mask am I wearing right now?
What truth is underneath it?
What would it feel like to set it down, even for a moment, and let your true voice be heard?
If these questions stir something in you, I’d love to invite you into the Rooted In You Circle.
It’s a supportive space for women who are ready to pause, reconnect, and begin again with clarity and courage. We start Wednesday, September 24—and there’s still time to join.
And if you’re not quite ready, you can begin with my free Visibility Reflection Journal—a simple way to start listening to your inner voice today.
Because your voice is too important to be hidden.
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